Sunday, 23 May 2010
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Currently
Heart of the Matter
By Emily Giffin
see relatedWhen my sister took a sip of her coffee today that she has left in my car while we shopped, a jumping spider came out of the lid through the sippy hole right as she put it up to her mouth. I was so impressed that a spider was drinking coffee I really didn’t want to kill him. Lol. He was so high on caffeine he was running around my car like a maniac while my sister was basically trying not to throw up onto the pavement. When I’m not the victim it’s really refreshing to see nature win.
While I was putting on my makeup last week I saw Matt digging through my makeup bag, and I knew exactly what he was doing. He was trying to find my eye lash curler. He was blessed (in my opinion not his) with very long eye lashes that I would basically give my left ear for (it’s pointy anyway, so no big loss), and he says they don’t always curl right naturally causing him to be poked in the eye with stray lashes, so he has decided my eye lash curler is the cure for this. Lololol. I’m telling you this because Matt really doesn’t give a shit if you think he‘s a pansy for trying out an eye lash curler because to him this move was a solution to a problem through innovation, not a beauty secret. He’d just turn around and find things about every guy on the planet that make them pansies too such as spiky/highlighted hair, tribal tattoos, popped collars, Armani Exchange, and flip flops for men and be done with it. Lol.
I was driving on I-96 with my sister today headed into Brighton for a movie when I see this car riding my ass in the slow lane, and it appears as though the driver is super pissed because he’s reaming me out in his car using random gang symbols, pointing at me and flailing his arms about. I’m like “WTF Laura? That guy behind us is cussing us out!” Of course from her angle in the passenger seat she can’t see him, and because she was raised with classic manners she doesn’t turn around for a look, so I’m basically preparing for a showdown on the Grand River exit ramp in which he flicks me off and calls me a “Mother F-er” and then drives away, in which I’m going to follow him and honk my horn like 100 times and give him the double flick in return. But, when the car rolls up next to us with his windows down and I get my middle fingers ready I see that he’s a just a white kid from the burbs rapping to Biggy Smalls…and suddenly there’s like this invisible understanding between us. So, I do what comes natural and lean back (a little low to the left). I mean, isn’t everyone from my area just a white kid from the burbs dreaming about getting out into the bigger world? Who better to take us there on our afternoon commute than Notorious B.I.G.? Sigh. And then there was the movie…
“Letters to Juliet” was basically your cheesy romance with a “Romeo and Juliet” ending that made me throw up in my mouth at the end. Not sure what my expectations were for this movie, but I’m glad that I used my free movie pass on this one. My rating is 2 Stars, and that’s just because Amanda Seyfried’s hair is gorgeous and “Lorenzo” was a sexy middle-aged Italian man. I think I should add that I absolutely love Europeans. They’re so civilized and classy. The fashion in this movie really represented the classic European look (the wedding scene) which made me want to plan my next trip to Verona and buy a string of pearls just for the occasion. It’s a great promotional movie for Italy.
I have this incredible resent that I don’t have a singing voice, because there is nothing I love more than putting on a song with Heaven-sent vocals and pretending I’m singing karaoke at an awesome dive bar. There’s something that feels so right about this scene for me. I have songs picked out and even some catchy little moves I do with them. I just feel like one day I’m going to wake up and have this amazing voice, then throw on a pair of black pants and bedazzled shirt and head out to a local bar and become famous in a small town, and just leave it all behind…everything. Sigh. Big dreams, small voice L
Wednesday, 28 April 2010
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As a child I always dreamed of becoming an adult because the world revolved around adults, and as a child I wasn't allowed choices or privileges that my parents were privy to. Now as an adult the world revolves around the child. Sigh. I don't believe in this concept, so I think I'm going to be an excellent parent someday by my standards, however probably not by the standards of society. When adults gather shouldn't children be the background noise? Yes, they should. I remember the days of having to stay in the basement and play while all the adults gathered upstairs, and if I interrupted them for anything less than an injury or life threatening emergency all my mom had to do was give me "the look" and off I ran back down to the basement. There's just nothing worse than being interrupted mid-conversation by a kid for nonsense reasons. Some parents wonder why they're secluded from their friends...this may be why. So random, but this thought woke me up at 3pm today and kept spinning around in my head. Lol. I worry about parenting more than anyone knows simply because I refuse to conform to standards set by PTA moms.
There's a new disorder out there that they're treating people for at sleep clinics called "Shift work sleep disorder." OMG. I mean, working midnight shift definitely changes the way you sleep, but it should because we're diurnal human beings. There's simply no reason to put money into this disorder. I'm so over random disorders. Another one I like is "Restless leg syndrome." LOLOLOL. Just another reason to keep everyone medicated.
The next random thought that kept me awake today: personalized license plates. If I were an employer one of my interview questions would be "What's your license plate number?" Lol. Then when they say "BBYGRL" "SK84LIF" or "RDEORDI" I can just rule them right out of a job. Idiots. I saw a sweet BMW today that I couldn't stop staring at and then looked at the plate and it said "MLENKO" and I was life FFFFFF! I realize that he probably doesn't eat to afford that car because anyone who can really afford a nice BMW wouldn't put an idiot plate on it.
So, those are my random life ramblings of the day. I know my positive energy just flows off of everyone when they read my blogs :)
Monday, 19 April 2010
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Currently
Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office
By Jen Lancaster
see relatedWe had the funniest conversation in my bathroom yesterday. Matt likes watching me do my hair and makeup because then he can ask a million questions and watch me use an eye lash curler (which every guy I know is intrigued by). The first thing he says is, "We found a Sephora bag at work and it had a $30 makeup brush inside! That's insane. Who the hell would pay $30 for a makeup brush?" I stopped looking in the mirror and gave him a blank stare. Was that a real question? So I rifled through my makeup case and pulled out all my makeup brushes then listed the prices (3 of 4 were more than $25). End of conversation. Lol. He then told me a girl came into the Security office to ask a question and noticed she was wearing dark eye liner and no mascara, but she was still really pretty because she had on nice clothes and great hair. "Well, her eye makeup indicates she's a train wreck Matt." Any girl who puts on a shit ton of eyeliner without mascara is a hot mess. I then made him promise that, heaven forbid, if anything happens to us in the future he will NEVER date a broad with botched eye makeup. It's a clear sign she's emotionally unstable. He finally agreed when I put on a crap load of eyeliner without mascara and said I was going to the bar with him like that. "Um, that's ok. You look kind of weird like that." Lolololol. Yea, I know.
The worst parenting advice I've ever heard came from my Better Homes and Gardens magazine this month. Matt's first question before I began to tell him about it was, "Why is Better Homes and Gardens giving parenting advice?" Super smart observation which is why we get along so well. Anyway, the article says that if your teenager rolls her eyes at you it's ok because eye rolling is just hormonal and the child can't help it, so don't let it bother you, but if it does call up some other moms and work together for support. OMG. If you need a support group because your F'n kid rolled her eyes at you isn't that a clear indicator that maybe you should be a parent and put your foot down about it? Too many kids are coddled like infants until they're 18 and then the brainless parents who raised them wonder why they turn out to be idiots. IT'S BECAUSE YOU TAKE PARENTAL ADVICE FROM STUPID MAGAZINE ARTICLES. Oh, and because you're a pansy. And maybe a liberal...ouch...low blow, I take it back.
Sunday, 11 April 2010
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I love going to my mom's place in the morning because not only do I get to eat fabulous strawberry Pop Tarts, but we have the best conversations. Today we were all in a fuss because Laura's roommate is a total witch- to put it lightly, and after our entire conversation about how appalled we are that she's such a pyscho we both agreed we'd only say "hello" to her anymore. Wow, we're some mean chickies. Lol. I was trying to tell my sister to be classy about the situation when we talked on the phone tonight, and then she kept talking about some of the things this girl said and I was just boiling inside. I kept my cool until I hung up the phone and thought I should call her back and say "You tell that bleep bleep bleep to shut her bleep bleep bleep or I'll come over there and kick her bleep bleep bleep!" OH NO SHE DIDN'T! Lol. This is the same girl who tells my sister that she just got approved for $125 in food stamps, but because she found a full-time job she can't get them, so she should just quit her job and live off the government. Slob.
The reason I went to my mom's was to bring her a candle I picked up from Bath & Body Works. They had the best sale on the big, three wick candles (2 for $20), so I grabbed Caribbean Salsa for me (delish!) and a fresh linen for my mom. After chatting about books for 15 minutes she's like, "Btw, do want those pearl earrings I got? I'm not big on posts." Hellz yea! We literally had a gift exchange. Double fist pump!
One more night of work, and I get my 3 day weekend (in the middle of the week). Tomorrow it's game night with Matt's sisters at Dave and Laura's place, then Monday it's Mexican Fiesta with the girls (in Dearborn because the one in Canton sucks). Fun, fun. Peace.
Thursday, 08 April 2010
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So, I've basically been plowing through books like crazy recently, and have been focusing most of my attention on chick books, because who the hell needs substance when you're just looking for entertainment anyway? There's nothing like reading about NYC, expensive hand bags, hair, makeup, and bad relationships at the beginning of spring. Puts me in the mood for summer, which takes a lot considering I'm not a fan of wearing less clothes...ever. I just finished "The Botox Diaries" which basically wasn't that good. Actually, I don't think I read it officially because I just skipped the last 3 chapters and went right to the last 4 pages. Exactly what I thought...she finds a good man, sleeps with him, and lives happily ever after. Lol.
I've reached new heights in the lab today because I finally tried uncapping two tubes at once and it went good! Lol. Oh how jealous I have been watching my co-workers uncap tubes at incredible speeds while I'm still the lagging "newbie" uncapping one at a time using both hands. Considering how clumsy I am, it's only a matter of time before I spill a tube and NEVER uncap two at a time again, but for now I'm going to bask in the glory of my newfound accomplishment.
Last weekend I took my sheltered ass into Inkster because Erik recently moved out that way, and now that I've seen how amazingly ghetto the world can actually be I'm less paranoid about living on my own in SL. Lol. He spent the night at my "crib" because my mom was having Easter brunch the next morning in SL, and while he was packing his bag I kept peeking out the blinds to be sure my car windows hadn't yet been smashed. He's like, "Hey let me turn on the TV for you" and I'm like, "Um, no...you need to pack your bag quick because it's getting dark and I'm not gonna be here when the sun goes down." Lololol. I'm pretty sure someone already tried breaking into his place, so my fears were justified, although this is coming from a girl who thought anything south of the 8 mile exit on I-275 was Detroit. Sigh. Nonetheless, I hope he moves away from there.
